The last few years have really hammered home the endless ways in which this life can dumpster fire. Fortunately, coping mechanisms exist. As the new year fast approaches and the idea of making resolutions feels more hilarious by the minute, we can at least take some of our favorite distraction strategies with us into 2024. Here are ten of mine:
1. Podcasts
Who needs self-examination or quiet time for meditation? Do we really need to let our thoughts roam free all willy-nilly? Instead, why not try drowning your thought-nadoes out with other people’s! We’ve got news (Mo News is a current less triggering fave)! We’ve got comedy (Handsome with Tig Notaro, Fortune Feimster, and Mae Martin or Say More with Amy Poehler as unlicensed therapist Dr? Sheila)! And we’ve got conversations between people who feel like friends due to how often their body-less voices fill my studio apartment (WTF with Marc Maron, Onward with Rosie O’Donnell, This Might Get Weird with Grace Helbig and Mamrie Hart, and What Now with Trevor Noah)! All these radio wave strangers will make the voices in your head just another part of the droning ambience of being alive.
2. Iliza Schlesinger’s viral rhapsody imploring Gen Z to give us Millennials a f*cking break already
Nothing has felt more cathartic than watching Schlesinger become the physical embodiment of the phrase “I’ve had it up to here!” Which I did probably a good 20+ times in a row. “We’re here to tell you that you are NOT NICE… and we have HAD IT!” After cheekily ensuring that her show was a safe space and thanking the two Gen Zers who publicly identified themselves for coming to the show, she launches into a beautiful history lesson of the millennial experience to give the “contextless generation” some much-needed perspective. From being raised on a diet of the mixed messages of our Boomer parents, not being able to buy homes, chastised for buying fucking avocados, to a reminder that we did the 90’s first. “You are angry and I get that… we are angry too but we have heartburn and our backs hurt but we are right there with you and you take it out on us,” Schlesinger says in an appeal with another important reminder, “Never forget we forged social media. Never forget we walked on Instagram so you could run on TikTok.” Nothing but respect for the Elder Millennial Queen.
Ruby Amanfu
3. Ruby Amanfu “Beautiful, You Are”
Ever made the mistake of listening to this song five minutes before your next Zoom meeting and finding yourself in tears? I sure have! And you can too. Let Ghana-born, Nashville-raised vocalist and songwriter Ruby Amanfu lull you and your inner child in with a soft drum beat and warm rasp that lands as gently as a whisper. With lyrics like “One look at you and I see stars that shine up over my head” to leave you warm and fuzzy like a hug from your best human friend and a cuddle from your favorite furry one. It’s a song that sees you even when it feels like the outside world doesn’t.
4. Regina Spektor
According to my Spotify Wrapped, my #1 artist of the year was the Maestro of quirk and kitsch, Regina Spektor. I’ve been fangirling over her ever since I picked up a copy of “Soviet Kitsch” (which turns 20 next year) at Amoeba Records in, what feels like, another lifetime. I still feel as I did then that there is no one who sounds quite like Spektor, whose sweet soprano lifts songs inflected with lush orechestral melodies, jazz bends, and punk snark with lyrics that feel like poems or riddles that unlock deep heart-wrenching truths when you finally figure them out. Seeing her on tour this past July was one of the most moving experiences at a show I have ever had. She is truly a master of her craft and to witness her in action is a gift.
5. Redbone “Come and Get Your Love”
While I don’t remember the first time I heard this song, most likely on the oldies station on the radio in the car or possibly playing through the speakers of my dentist’s office, I do know that since that mysterious moment “Come and Get Your Love” has been one of my go-tos when I want to be in a good mood. Redbone was the first Native American band to reach the top five on the US Billboard Hot 100 in thanks to the song, released in 1974, which also went certified Gold selling over a million copies. If happiness was a song, it would be this one.
Mason Alexander Park as Emcee in Cabaret in London this past summer
6. Cabaret (2021 London Cast Recording)
Sometimes the world is a devastatingly dark place and can cast a frightening mirror on the darkness within ourselves. At times it’s important to bear witness and remember those parts within us. In London, The Kit Kat Club is in full swing and over the summer I got to experience the otherworldly talent that is Mason Alexander Park as our Emcee (Eddie Redmayne plays the role on the cast recording). Descending downward through a labyrinth of winding stairways lined with fringe and metal-stringed curtains, audience members, illuminated in a red glow, slink to a first bar in a basement. Drinks flow and performers materialize posing in the mirror, giving side-eye while playing piano, and interrupting the queue as they move through the liminal space between the present day and pre-war Berlin. By the time one gets to their seat the seduction of something eerie, and maybe a little dangerous, has set in. I won’t go in to the rest of the story except to say that it is terrifying in its prescience. How slow a burn hate can take to build and yet how breathtaking in its swiftness the descent of a society into the intoxication of violence and antisemitism. Life is a cabaret, old chum. What role will you play.
7. Mike and the Mechanics “All I Need is A Miracle”
After spending time within the depths of despair, something’s gotta give and put some pep back in your step. This song randomly popped into my head one day and has been on repeat ever since. The lyrics belie the story of love gone wrong and the regret that follows, “And I know you were never right/I’ll admit I was never wrong… And though I treated you like a child/I’m gonna miss you for the rest of my life,” a sentiment that seems all too common right now. Whether it’s holiday stress or feelings of helplessness about the state of humanity, we could use a miracle or two that can bring us back together.
8. Insight Timer App
If you’re like me and have been having trouble getting to sleep before 3am every night, might I suggest the Insight Timer Application. Try some floaty music against the backdrop of a storm. Or maybe a guided sleep meditation is more your speed. There are nearly endless options to create the perfect sleepy-time soundtrack while you snuggle up with a bag of Doritos because it got so late that you’re now too hungry to sleep and Doritos are more energy efficient and less dangerous than making something at that ungodly hour. Namaste.
Alexis Bledel as Rory Gilmore and Lauren Graham as Lorelai Gilmore on Gilmore Girls. CBS Photo Archive/Getty Images
9. Gilmore Girls
When Fall rolls around and all the cozy cues kick in it only means one thing: It’s Gilmore Girls season. Amy Sherman Palladino’s writing is music to my ears. Full of quippy comebacks, references to bygone Broadway, and cringey pop culture references that haven’t held up (and some that, surprisingly, did). Trips to Stars Hollow leave me aching for a time and place that never was but felt like it could be and relieved knowing (as long as the Netflix gods allow) I can drop into Friday night dinners and quirky town halls any time.
10. Pure Moods (1994 Original Release)
When distressed I start searching for things of comfort from my childhood: McDonald’s quarter pounder with cheese, sleeping at odd hours of the day and night, shutting myself off from everything and everyone, and music compilations from popular infomercials from the 90s. For those who remember, Pure Moods was A VIBE and, more importantly, when I was introduced to the ethereal and Celtic musical stylings of Enya. Now you, like me, can listen to the New Age that took over the airwaves while reminiscing over it being “only $19.99 if you order now” all to just listen to one Enya song and maybe also that one by Enigma.
Happy New Year, everyone! Since we all need a break, may 2024 be boring and just ok.
In a world where corporate entities maintain a tight grip on the institutionalization of creativity and where representation mattering is still more of a conversation than a mainstream practice, a glimmer of hope emerges in a new queer press, Bona Books. The London-based press established by Trip Galey, Chris McCartney, and Robert Berg, Bona Books plans to be a place the queer community and allies can pick up science fiction and fantasy and see themselves fully reflected in it. As Chris says in one of the many gems from our recent chat, “To see that representation, to see the community that we love and the people that we love reflected in stories that we love” is what Bona Books is all about. I sat down with Trip and Chris (sadly, Robert was unable to join) prior to the launch of the Kickstarter campaign to fund Bona Book’s first anthology,I Want That Twink OBLITERATED!, which met its full fundraising goal in less than 32 hours after officially launching on September 13th, 2023, and was picked as a “Project We Love” by Kickstarter themselves. Our conversation was playful as much as insightful as we spoke about the innate queerness of science fiction and fantasy, obliterating twinks memes, and the space they hope Bona Books can hold in the world of publishing.
This interview has been edited and condensed for length and clarity.
First, I’d love to know a little bit about each of you and how books and reading were a part of your upbringing.
Chris: I was very much one of those kids who always had a book at all points. My earliest memories are all book-related. When I was very very young the way my dad would coax me to have a bath was he’d read to me. So, I have recollections of him reading The Hobbit and Sherlock Holmes stories. He read me the entirety of The Hobbit in installments and got to the end and I was like, ‘Yeah, this great! I love it!’ [Chris’s dad said] ‘There is a sequel, I’m not reading you that.’ [Laughs]. At age 8 or 9, I embarked on reading The Lord of The Rings and it took me about six months.
And by that time you were old enough to bathe yourself, I’m assuming?
Chris: Yes [laughs]. So, yeah, always been a bit of a bookworm and it’s kind of almost always been genre fiction. As I grew up I read lit-fic as well, but when I was going to the library as a child it was always straight to the science fiction and fantasy section. It was always the genre stuff. [Referring to the first part of the question] I’m probably a bit of a jack-of-all-trades as anyone who writes these days is. I don’t support myself writing. I’m a civil servant working for His Majesty’s government. I have had some short fiction published, I’ve got a novella that I’m working on with Trip here, which will be my first foray into editing, which is really exciting and, I suppose, in terms of how I slot into Bona Books and the Kickstarter is that one of my big skillsets in terms of my civilian life is project management. I’m the hyper-organized person who has a spreadsheet for everything so, I’m kind of the central admin making sure the Kickstarter gets off the ground.
Trip: My first book was Go, Dog. Go! I forced my parents to read it to me so many times that I eventually learned to read just recognizing the words on the page from what they were reading me and they had to repair it multiple times with duct tape because I read it to the point it fell apart. I basically grew up on the road. My parents were professional Rodeo athletes so, I was on the Rodeo circuit in the back of the pick-up truck all the time. I would have a stack of books and that’s how I would keep myself entertained. I would just read as they drove. And then when I got older I very much just went straight for that fantasy section, but I grew up in the middle of absolute nowhere in the pre-Amazon days, not to date myself. So, I had to build my own science fiction and fantasy library and I went through a period of wearing nothing but cargo pants because the pockets on either side of the pair of cargo pants: exact right size and shape for a mass-market paperback. I could have two, on the go, at the same time, which was necessary because I just read too much.
I do support myself just with writing. That’s a mix of ghostwriting, a small bit of copywriting, and my debut novel is coming out 12th September, it’s called The Market of Dreams and Destiny and it’s out from Titan. That’s been a crazy experience. And in terms of Bona Books, I have started, and ran, and head-editored a small science fiction and fantasy magazine, which I did as part of my doctoral studies while I was a doctoral candidate as an extra project because I certainly didn’t have enough to do. [Laughs] That’s not a habit I’ve gotten into at all. So, I have done a bit of this contracts and acquiring short fiction before. But this is very much my first foray into doing it a bit more seriously.
And just to jump in for Robert, I know a whole bunch of his stories. Robert’s grandfather was a lawyer and Robert lived with his grandfather growing up. [W]hen he was very little, [his grandfather would] take him out to see the moon and would tell him stories from Shakespeare and mythology. And then he obviously got into reading and one of his earliest memories with a book is he had this book, I don’t remember what book it is unfortunately, and he went to a petting zoo and the goat literally ate his book. Outrage ensued from there. He is [also] another big fantasy nerd. He works as a professional copyeditor and proofreader. He works with some actual publishers and he works freelance as well. In Bona Books, he is the eye-to-detail editorial and about ten years ago he had a reviews blog where he did a lot of pop culture reviews, including media. And so he has reviewed a lot of authors, some of whom may now be appearing as solicited authors in our anthology efforts.
That’s amazing! Storytelling has been a huge part of all of your upbringings and your lives thus far. What is the story of how the three of you came together?
Trip: So, it will be Robert and my anniversary in October and we will have been together for… math, math, math… 16 years. So we’ve been together for yonks and then we moved over here six years ago for me to pursue a doctorate and five of those years ago we met Chris? Four and a half of those years ago?
Chris: That sounds about right.
Trip: I was doing my studies and lecturing in Cambridge and Chris was working at Cambridge and we have a mutual friend who introduced us and we just started meeting every week after I got done lecturing and after he finished work. We’d go to the pub, we’d have a pint or two and we would talk about, oh, I don’t know, science fiction and fantasy, and books, and writing for a couple of hours at a go before I caught the train back and he went to make dinner.
At what point did those conversations turn into, ‘should we start a press??’
Trip: So, that sort of goes: group chat, meme, Chris comes into the kitchen (cuz we all live together now, three of us we share a flat called The Writer Flat in London) but I’ve talked for a lot so I’m going to let Chris talk.
Chris: You’re the one with the charismatic storytelling ability!
Trip: Says the man who just got a short story published? Woo woo!
Chris: We’re not going to have this fight right now! [Laughs] Yeah, as Trip said, the meme came first. If you look it up on Know Your Meme there’s a little bit of a history to it. Originally there was a Wattpad comment and it took off a bit on the internet and it got picked up by Anthony Olivera, the comics writer and is in a Lords of Empyre: Emperor Hulkling and it’s thrown at the Marvel character, Wiccan, by the villain and he [Olivera] talks about the fact that it was him kind of wanting to queer the text of the comic so, that not only is there a queer character in it but it’s this queer culture reference that gay readers will spot in the language that’s being used and will be talking to them in a way that comics, even when they normally have queer characters in them don’t talk in that way.
Anyway, that’s all by-the-by. We were making “I want that twink obliterated” jokes and I think Robert said, ‘That would be a great title for an anthology!” laugh, laugh, laugh, chat chat, chat. And that just stuck in my head for a second. I was like, “We have the skills. We have the technology. I’m ridiculously organized, Robert has a load of contacts and is an editor and proofreader, Trip has run a magazine before.” So I walked into the kitchen and was like, “Trip, we could actually do this.” And then we paused and went, yeah we could, couldn’t we? And I think it was about a minute before we got to, “We’re doing this aren’t we.” It was very much like that.
Trip: Yeah, I have that scene burned in my mind. Just Chris coming into the kitchen and being like, we could do this… do we have to do this, do we need to do this… beat… I think we need to do this. Yeah.
What else was underneath that need? There has to be something really grounding to take something that’s like, a fun meme, jokey thing [seriously]. I know so many people, including myself, who will joke with friends about, ‘Oh my god we should do this or we should do that” so, what exactly was it that really made that pivot to this is not just a joke anymore, we’re doing it?
Chris: For me, I’d say, it’s a real burning desire to see queer narratives out there in the world. Particularly, in science fiction and fantasy. Particularly, unapologetic queer narratives written by queer authors. Representation has gotten a bit better in science fiction and fantasy over the last few years. But… often queer characters written by non-queer people do better. My instinct would be that, we feel so starved for it and we so desperately want it to exist. To see that representation, to see the community that we love and the people that we love reflected in stories that we love. As soon as we realized, “Oh, that’s a good idea, that’s a good enough idea that people will like it,” not only do we have the skills to do it but, I think, if we put that out into the world and put it in front of people, people will back that. Because if it was an ok idea and you’re pushing a boulder up a hill, maybe you’d think twice. But it seemed like such an obviously good idea that it would be pushing through an open door. And if we have that opportunity and we can make those stories happen, then I think, like Trip said, it wasn’t really a choice.
Trip: Yeah, It sort of felt like a foregone conclusion. Like the decision made us, we did not make the decision. [Laughs]
On that note, can you please pitch the I Want That Twink OBLITERATED! anthology and tell the readers at Geeks OUT what it and the Kickstarter is all about? And who are you hoping to reach?
Trip: I Want That Twink OBLITERATED!, is a fun meme. It is irreverent and it speaks directly to the community and that is, first and foremost, who we are hoping to do this for and who we are hoping to reach. It’s those portions of the queer community that loves science fiction and fantasy and those portions of science fiction and fantasy who love queer content, be they queer themselves or allies. The concept of the anthology itself is classic pulp, science fiction, fantasy, and horror. The sort of things you would find on the shelf in like, the 40’s/50’s in those old magazines like, Weird Tales that were, for so long, a mainstay of not only the genre, but also the community. [T]hose magazines were such an ongoing conversation. Science fiction and fantasy is fantastic because of the feedback between fandom and the authors and between authors themselves. Science fiction and fantasy more than other genres are ongoing conversations about ideas. And you get those so much in those old pulp magazines where people would write in, and they would have ideas, and they would discuss this, that, and the other.
So, it was really about that core root nurturing amazing part of science fiction and fantasy that a lot of minorities were shut out of in those days. Not just sexual or gender minorities, but all kinds of people who were just not invited to the conversation or had to work very very hard to get their voices heard in the conversation. We want that sort of classic pulp fun, but we want non-traditionally masculine heroes and villains. We’re talking, twinks so, The Obliterators and The Obliterated, we want to take the fantastic rich heritage and inheritance that we have from that period of science fiction and fantasy, but we want our part of that. We want our portion of that inheritance. We want the queer heroes, the queer villains, the unabashedly homosexual dialogue. Queerness has a culture to it. And it’s a whole collection of different cultures. But the way it intersects with fantasy and science fiction and these literatures of the possible it’s super exciting! It is that sense of new possibilities and new horizons, but in it, unrepentantly queer.
Chris came up with several examples as part of our guidelines for publication and so we’re really hoping to see stories with like, trans berserkers fueled by queer rage, we want stories with gender-fluid starship captains, and a rainbow band of rogue’s crew stashing across the universe and having amazing pulpy adventures, we want stories with li-ter-al demon twinks. Unapologetically science fiction and fantasy and unapologetically queer.
As you’re talking I’m just thinking about how sci-fi and fantasy are the perfect vehicles for queer stories and it’s hard to not feel like… I don’t know, I think about watching Star Trek with my dad back in the day. I feel like all of it has to be queer-coded in some way because it’s all about the expansion of the human experience and beyond. Those stories are so important, I think as we’re navigating who are we and what is this world and what is our part in it. Especially, with these political environments that keep wanting to make everything smaller and more binary. There’s not really a question there, just kind of a word vomit. I don’t know if you have any response to that.
Chris: I think I completely agree with you. It speaks to queer experience. It probably, I cannot speak to this with any authority, but I suspect it also speaks to other forms of minority experiences as well. It’s all about moving towards the boundaries of what’s socially permissible. It’s about imagining other worlds. Or, at least, when it’s done well, it is. You have the sort of classic Star Trek format of every week they’re in another planet, every week it’s another problem planet and so, obviously, it’s never going to be, Oh yes! They turn up on a planet that’s exactly like ours, all of the cultural mores are exactly the same, and all the dominant assumptions are just reinforced. That’s never going to be what the story is. So, yeah, inherently you end up in that sort of marginalized space because that’s where the boundaries get pushed. That’s where the interesting things are.
How do you think about that tension now where, as you mentioned before, there does seem to be more representation? It is a bit better, but it’s also such a heteronormative sphere that keeps caving in on everyone and also in on itself? I don’t even know if there’s really a question in there either, but in some ways, and to use Star Trek again, in the 60’s or in the Next Generation there is this huge, expansive feel to it. It feels like things have gotten just a bit more compressed.
Trip: Yeah, that’s a really interesting question because you can approach from multiple angles. If we’re talking, for example, publishing. Since this is an anthology, we’re a small press, we’re putting out queer work by queer authors, hopefully (support the Kickstarter!). If you look at the publishing ecosystem right now, 20 years ago you had the big 6, the big 7. There was a healthy mid-list, there was a healthy variety of imprints. We’re down to a big 4 and a lot of those medium-sized publishers have been swallowed up. There’s been a concentration of editorial talent and complete evaporation of editorial attention because people don’t have enough time. They don’t have enough time to do all the work. So, you get these big publishing houses, 20-30 years ago 20% of the books supported the other 80% in terms of sales if we’re talking just cold, hard, cash numbers, which I absolutely hate talking about, but that’s what it is. But now, the way the publishing industry has consolidated, we’re looking much more at 5% of titles bringing in all the money and covering the other 95%. So, there’s a lot more focus on those 5% of titles and publishing, like we’ve seen in Hollywood, they don’t like to take risks. If their financial continuation depends on 5% of titles hitting it big, they’re not going to take creative risks because that is much harder to predict. They’re not going to pump all of their marketing dollars behind those edge titles. Even if sometimes they do well. Even if they are excellent in their own right and there is an audience there for them.
It’s so interesting because it seems very antithetical to financial advice where you want to diversify your portfolio. When you’re limiting yourself by putting all of your eggs in one basket [it’s] kind of asking for a big problem down the line, which I think we’re definitely seeing in Hollywood at the moment with the strikes and everything, or one aspect of it. So, where does Bona Books fit into all of that for you?
Trip: It’s a passion project, you know, we’re doing this because it is important to us. I can’t remember if this is Toni Morrison or not, I could be horribly misattributing this quote, but it’s something to the effect of, “If you can’t find the book you want to read, you have to go out and write it.” And that sort of sentiment has come up again, and again, and again on almost every single panel discussion I have been on with queer writers writing queer science fiction and fantasy. The queer stories that they want to read don’t exist. So they’re going out and creating them and they are writing them themselves. Chris, Robert, and I we do have the knowledge and the skills to take a run at producing anthologies of queer fiction for queer people and a wider audience and, between the three of us, we have the stability to take on a passion project like this. We’re not doing this to get rich or make money, like, publishing is not a great way to make money generally, with very few, small exceptions making it look the other way. We’re doing it because we love it and we can offer our skills and we can offer our time. We can offer as much of ourselves as we can spare to bring these things into the world so that they’re there for people to find.
Chris: That’s the proper answer and all the focus should be on that. I’ll add that… in the back of my head I do have a little 5-year plan that’s going along. I think particularly with the Kickstarter and with how crowdfunding works we have to take it one day at a time, trying to get as many people as possible to hear about the Kickstarter. If the Kickstarter doesn’t happen then this doesn’t go anywhere. But we put a book together and, if that goes well, we’ll put another book together, then we’ve got a lot of experience under our belt at that point talking to publishers and working on layout and doing the editorial work. And if it’s successful, if there’s a bit of extra money in the kitty we can look at getting some novellas published, we’ll have more contacts… there’s a plan, but I don’t want to get out in front of my skis. I would love in five years time for it to be this little, small press. We’re never going to be doing dozens of books a year. But if a couple of times a year we put out something that people go, “Oh yeah, I always check out what Bona Books puts out because it’s got a really queer voice and they support and lift up queer writers” I would be chuffed a bit.
As a debut author, Trip, with your book coming out around the same time as this Kickstarter, how is your mental health?
Trip: [MANIACAL LAUGHTER] Just insert maniacal laughter here.
I will, literally, put that in the text [laughs in less maniacal]
Trip: I think the most generous term I can use is overclocked. There’s the book coming out, I am working very hard on the sequel right now, and then the Kickstarter and some other things that are all happening in September. So, yeah I’m slightly overclocked. But, I can’t complain because what am I doing? I’m writing queer science fiction and fantasy and I am working with my best friends in the world to produce more of it!
Chris: The book is so good!
That’s excellent. It’s so exciting! Is there anything else that I didn’t ask about that you would like to touch on?
Trip: While we do have solicited offers for this anthology, it is very important to us to foster new voices from the community. We want to get the word out to as many queer creatives and other minority creatives as we possibly can. We want your science fiction, fantasy, pulp, adventure stories starring twinks. You can be pro-twink, you can be anti-twink, put a twink in there as a hero, put a twink in there as a villain, we want to hear from every color of the queer rainbow. Send us your stuff please, please send us your stuff! We especially want to hear from women, we want to hear from…
Chris: …We’d love to get more non-binary and trans authors on board, that would be wonderful, particularly given the non-trad masculine aspect of the anthology. That would be beautiful. As Trip said, every single stripe of the progress flag should be represented if possible.
Trip: Writers of color, everyone.
Where can people reach out to you if they have something to share?
Chris: We will have a submission guide linked to and funneled through the Kickstarter and we’ll basically open for submissions as soon as we know we’re funded.
To support the funding of Bona Books, the production of their first anthology I Want That Twink OBLITERATED!, future releases by them, and to submit your own work head to their Kickstarter page linked here. Also, be sure to also follow them on all the socials @bonabooksltd
A Strange Loop, the Pulitzer Prize and Tony Award-winning musical by Michael R. Jackson has leapt across the pond for a limited run on the West End. On a drizzly and overcast London evening, I got to sit on a Zoom with the show’s star, the lovely and soft-spoken Kyle Ramar Freeman, as he takes the helm as the protagonist, Usher. Usher is a young, Black, fat, gay man writing a musical about a young, Black, fat, gay man writing a musical about a young, Black, fat, gay man writing a… rollercoaster of self-contemplation and we are all along for the ride. During our conversation, Freeman (who was the understudy for Usher in the original cast on Broadway last year) talked about how London audiences are responding to a “big, Black and queer-ass American Broadway show,” what he is still learning about himself through playing Usher, how his all-British cast mates are faring playing the thoughts inside an American’s head, and the exciting upcoming year for Freeman when his time in A Strange Loop wraps up in September.
Hey Kyle! Thank you for hanging with me for a little bit. How are you?
I’m great, yourself?
I’m doing alright! It’s a very London-y day today, very rainy and overcast, at least where I’m at. So, before I ask you anything about A Strange Loop I want to go back in time a bit. I saw an interview you gave a while back where you mention that, as a kid around 8 years old, you knew you wanted to be a performer. Do you remember what show it was that you saw and were like, “Yes, that’s the thing!”?
It wasn’t anything I first saw, it’s what I felt. I was in an art’s school in elementary school and we got a chance to do Annie. I was not in the drama program I was in the dance program and I was also in the chorus of the school. And the actor they had could not sing “Easy Street,” so they incorporated different people from the chorus to sing songs from the show and that was my first taste of performing, and singing, and having choreo, and doing that in front of an audience and I was like, “oh that feels good!” And then right as YouTube started to become a thing, one of the videos that was on there first that I saw was Billy Porter doing “Beauty School Dropout” from Grease. I saw him do that and I was like, “Oh that’s what I want to do.” I want to be in crazy costumes and sing.
That’s amazing. I love that story so much! To fast forward a bit, you start integrating that into your life, you graduated from AMDA, at what stage in A Strange Loop’s development did you sign onto it?
I joined A Strange Loop right at the beginning of their Broadway run. It was Off-Broadway at Playwrights Horizons, and then it went to Washington, D.C., before doing Broadway. They were looking for more people to join the Broadway cast and that’s when I auditioned. Then from the very first day of rehearsals until the last day on Broadway I was there.
We both have a mutual in common, Jason Veasey (originator of Thought 5). How was it coming into this production with people who had been a part of it for a decade, at least, at that point?
First of all, everybody knows Jason [laughs]. I’m like, how am I in London and people know Jason? Jason was actually the first cast member to reach out to me. He was the first person to say “welcome to the family” so that made me feel really good and so I wasn’t completely just blind coming in having not said anything to anybody. It was fun! Everybody that did it on Broadway are stars. They are just amazing performers. So, the first day of rehearsals, for instance, as an understudy or anybody doing the show, you think you’re going to come in and everybody learns the show together. Everybody starts out on the same level. When we got to rehearsal we just watched the cast perform the show. That was completely intimidating because they had fully fleshed out these characters, they had lived with them for years, they understood the material better than anybody. They were just doing the show so, it was playing catch up for at least 3 months because everybody besides the four new understudies knew the show. I was just like, “Oh, this is going to be interesting!” [Laughs]. So, I had to learn the show on my own. It was intimidating but it all worked out.
What a crash course that must have been. How much did you know about A Strange Loop before you auditioned for it?
I didn’t know much of anything. When I first heard of it I had a friend of mine call me up and say, “Kyle, you gotta go see this show called A Strange Loop. It’s playing at Playwrights Horizons and you gotta go see it.” And I was like, ok, and he was like, “No you HAVE to go see it because it’s telling our story. It’s Black, it’s gay, it’s saying something” and I was like ok ok ok I’ll go see it! I didn’t get a chance to go see it, of course, and another friend of mine [was] calling me up and saying, “You gotta go see this show. It’s like nothing you’ve ever seen.” Then the next time I ran across it was in auditions for it and when I got a monologue. That one monologue alone I was like, I have never seen anyone write these words and put it in a show and have people hear it. I was like, this is brave and it felt like somebody had went through my personal journals or read my brain because it was saying a lot of the things that I had felt in this life as a Black, fat, gay performer. So, it was crazy intimidating but a breath of fresh air.
From left: Tendai Humphrey Sitima as Thought 4, Danny Bailey as Thought 5, Yeukayi Ushe as Thought 3, Kyle Ramar Freeman as Usher, Sharlene Hector as Thought 1, Eddie Elliot as Thought 6, and Nathan Armarkwei-Laryea as Thought 2
Because you’ve had the opportunity to live with Usher for quite a long time now I was wondering what you are still learning about him and, in addition to that, what has Usher taught you about yourself?
What I’m still learning from Usher is that things in life take time to develop. Even how you talk to yourself. Even how you go about doing your creative work. It takes time… when you’re creating something sometimes it reveals something about you that you didn’t know you had in you and that’s what Usher continuously teaches me. To take my time to figure out what I want to present while figuring out who I am as an artist.
On the topic of thoughts, you have cast members now who are all British and playing the Thoughts in the head of an American… are they ok?
They are terrible. [Jokes]
They’re really struggling right now? [Laughs]
No, everybody in this company is remarkably talented and fiercely kind to each other and to the work. Everybody is ten toes down and ready to tell the story. They were excited about the work. What the show does to the audience, you kinda confront your own beliefs and ideals about your own self and your own place in the world and they [his cast members] were so beautifully exploring that, which made me explore the piece more as well. Everybody brings such a crazy, unique energy to the piece that makes it feel new.
Even though I’m kinda doing the same show I did before, but having this set of actors they all bring something so specific and beautiful to the telling of the story. It’s so fun to watch because I could never be… I won’t say I could never be, it would be hard for me to be in a British show and try to do a British accent and understand a culture that I did not grow up in. The fact that they are doing an American accent, telling an American story, yes, they’re all Black, but Black people are not the same everywhere you go. There are cultural differences and they’ve been able to adapt so beautifully that I’m really amazed at their ability to do that and do it so well. They are top tier talent.
Yeah, I saw you guys a couple of weeks ago and it was such an amazing performance. I mean you, first of all, sing like an angel and sing your face off and the amount of vulnerability and levity that you balance together is just so wonderful to watch. To piggyback on the cultural differences you brought up, that’s something I’m interested in understanding more from your perspective. Not only from working with people who grew up in a different culture but also the differences in the American versus British audiences. What are the biggest things you’ve noticed?
Well, with the audience, Americans are loud, and rowdy, and boisterous. So when we go see theater and that theater piece invites you to laugh out loud and make noise it’s no problem for us to do that. We are like, oh this is what you want from us, we will give it to you one thousand percent! The audience here, while they are very similar to American audiences with laughing at certain moments in the show, they’re just a bit more reserved. Because they haven’t received theater like this in this way and the show invites you to go on a rollercoaster ride and to make noise and to laugh out loud and do all the “oohs” and “aahs” because that adds to the fun of the show. They’re a bit more hesitant, but about midway in they are fully on board. It’s amazing to watch.
Yeah, and with the heavier topics, what are you receiving from people in terms of the Gospel number “Precious Little Dream/AIDS Is God’s Punishment” and also the racist history that’s illuminated in there as well? Has there been a difference in how those moments are received from audience to audience?
The show covers topics that are uncomfortable wherever you go, so it’s pretty much the same. It is always like, the first top of the show is fun fun fun, laughing laughing laughing, joke joke joke. There comes a point where it just gets uncomfortable and you have to sit in that. And that’s gonna be a universal thing wherever this show goes because Usher is a person who has to drive the point home in such a big way, so the things that we have to do are big in its presentation. The words that we’re saying are so heavy [and] there comes a point where we’re gonna make you sit and be uncomfortable, we’re gonna make you sit with Usher being complicated and maybe not showing his best side and you may be a bit upset at him for doing what he does in the show. But it’s not much different and I think at a certain point people are like, “Oh no, what have I walked into” [laughs].
One review I quickly skimmed over gave [the disclaimer] “Lots of American references!” Have you experienced any feedback specifically around those references and people just not getting it?
Honestly, in New York, a lot of people didn’t understand some of the references because it’s a lot of gay lingo.
Interesting! (Internally screams: “Get it together New York!”)
And there are certain people who are titans in the business of entertainment that everybody’s just not privy to. The big one here that I’ve seen is that people just don’t know who Tyler Perry is.
I was going to ask that, I was curious if anyone knew [Tyler Perry] because he’s such an American staple and I feel like his story is very specifically American and [shows an aspect of the] African American [experience]. I was very curious about whether any of the Tyler Perry references were going over people’s heads.
Yeah, I think some have heard of him, of course. But they don’t know the weight that he carries in the entertainment industry or even him being a billionaire. Or him, you know, changing the way Black media is seen. They don’t really get that. So, I’ve laughed a few times [when I’ve] heard people be like, “Who is Tyler Perry?” [Laughs].
You [as Usher] talk about Tyler Perry quite a lot!
That’s really the major one that’s come up where people just don’t know who he is.
On the topic of London, generally, when did you come out here to start rehearsals?
I came here in May, so [it’s been] about two months.
How has it been for you?
It’s been great! I mean, I’ve been starting to see London because I was in rehearsal every day and at the theater all day so I was not able to see much of it. But now that I have my days, I can go out and I’m able to do all the touristy things now. But beforehand I was completely just at my flat and then at the theater.
That makes sense. What’s been your favorite thing about being over here?
People are polite here. They are very nice. Compared to New York City, it appears to be much cleaner. I think it’s just the nature of the culture here, people are just more polite and reserved and coming from America everything is like, overt and larger than life. Everybody here is pleasant and they have proper tea breaks, which is lovely.
Anything you miss from home?
I do miss that, specifically in New York, things are open past 11 o’clock. [Laughs]. Everything here kinda closes at midnight or stops serving food and what will happen is like, after the show, we’re done by 10pm by the time we’re out of costume and then you go out to meet people and say “Hi” and they wanna go out and you have like, an hour before things are shut down. Especially in the area that we’re in. It’s very much a business part of town so there’s really nothing around. And that sucks. That’s about it.
This is a limited-run show, just going through September, do you have any idea of what’s coming up after for you? Or is the main focus the show right now?
Yes! For the first time in my career I know what I’m doing for the next year of my life, which is interesting. After I leave here I will go back to New York, to start the tour that will eventually land on Broadway. That show is called The Wiz! And I will be the Lion in The Wiz. It’s a huge show that’s coming back. It hasn’t been on Broadway in 40 years.
Yeah wow!
Yeah, it’s a big deal! It’s been trying to come back to Broadway for years. It’s one of those shows like Dream Girls, that we haven’t had in America in forever but we’ve talked about bringing back. And now I’m finally doing a show that’s so heavily anticipated. I’ll get to do the tour for 5-6 months and then we’ll go to Broadway and that’s until August of next year [2024].
That’s amazing, congratulations! So, we only have a few minutes left. At Geeks OUT, on our podcast our host [Kevin Gilligan] will ask the guest what they’re getting down and nerdy with. So, I’d love to know what you’re getting down and nerdy with?
Well, I love podcasts in general. I will discover a podcast every week or so and give it a listen. But I also love TV and I have been deep into Black Mirror because that is just what I love. I love the type of stories they create, their branding of mixing reality with technology and how that affects the world and how it could affect the world. I love having conversations about that.
Yeah, it’s like magical realism but spooky [laughs]. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk to me.
Thank you, I loved it!
See the wonderful Kyle Ramar Freeman and his exceptional cast mates in A Strange Loop, currently running at the Barbican Theatre in London through September 9th, 2023.
In jolly ol’ London Town where I’ve been residing off and on for the past year Spring is just beginning to get into its groove despite it being nearly summertime, foxes are pooping in forgotten pint glasses outside the pub, and an old rich white man was draped in gold and stolen precious gems in a grotesque ritual – paid for by the taxpayer – to seal his “destiny” to remain an old rich white man. Amidst this backdrop I decided to rewatch Hook, the 1991, Steven Spielberg-directed epic adventure sequel to J.M. Barrie’s guide on how to cope with life and avoid death in unhealthy ways, “Peter Pan.” As a kid I loved the idea of a continuation of well-known fairytales and with enough of a nod to the 1953 animated Disney film to not feel confusing to my tiny brain, it seemed a plausible imagining of what could have happened in the years following the Darling children touching back down to earth from Neverland. The rewatch was an altogether pleasant one. I welled up at the sight of Williams, felt appropriately critical of the boring and outdated tropes and roles written for the girls/women/fairy, and bubbled with pure unadulterated joy with every Where’s Waldo cameo of an actor or musician I would not have recognized at first watch at 5-7 years old. What took me by surprise however, was neither my feelings about the film nor any bright bulb of insight after viewing it again after so long, but in what I found as I was doing more research on it for this post.
The Lost Boys give zero f*cks about critics. Dante Basco, Jasen Fisher, Bogdan Georghe, Raushan Hammond, James Madio, Isaiah Robinson, Ahmad Stoner , Thomas Tulak , and Alex Zuckerman in Hook (1991)
One quick Google search and I was inundated with titles of articles proclaiming Hook to be a complete disaster while the more positive reviews are framed not as standalone’s but defenses against the onslaught of negative critique. The film has a spit take-worthy 29% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but when speaking to folks IRL there is nothing but fondness for it. So, what gives? Based on the implications in some of these reviews one would think an atrocity of filmmaking had occurred. Some critics felt bored by the timing with others just not caring for the plot itself. Film critic icon Roger Ebert’s original review’s only specific feedback was a wish that Neverland felt more magical instead of like he was watching people on a movie set. Fair enough. This all got me wondering about mediocrity: who gets to determine what is mediocre, why, and whether it’s as bad a thing as the messaging we get proclaims (I, personally, nominate Brett White based on this fantastically queer review from 2020). In the oeuvre of Steven Spielberg, Hook falls smack in the middle of the transition from the Indiana Jones blockbusters and into a more grand and serious era of Jurassic Park and Schindler’s List. Hook doesn’t have the same masterful sheen of these other films compared to so many others in what had already been a storied directorial career. What it does have is some good fun and the most interesting of the “Peter Pan” imaginings in the last 30 years.
Hook has us checking in on Peter Pan’s (Robin Williams) life post-Neverland as a Grownup™. In this magical realism-imbued world, Pan is now Peter Banning a tightly wound lawyer with a wife, two children, and thicc cell phone with a guy named Brad who lives on the other line. Banning has fully succumbed to corporate American life at the steep price of losing memories of his previous one and in so doing, losing touch with himself and his ability to connect with others. Banning develops a palpable fear of flying and seems almost allergic to play based on the instant inflammation he develops around it. Banning’s journey back to his story and authenticity begins when Captain JAS Hook (Dustin Hoffman) sensing his return to London, kidnaps Banning’s children Jack (Charlie Korsmo) and Maggie (Amber Scott) as the adults are out at an event celebrating Granny Wendy (Maggie Smith) and her devotion to finding families for the orphans she took in throughout her life. As many middle-aged coming-of-age stories go, Banning is put through his paces in silly and heartfelt ways. He eventually saves his children with a new lease on life remembering what makes it worth living is presence and joy. Tale as old as time (different Disney fairytale adaptation, but you get it).
Peter Pan/Banning (Robin Williams) faces nemesis Captain Hook (Dustin Hoffman) in Hook (1991)
There’s a reason why these stories are timeless. In each stage of a person’s life that message can continue to resonate presumably with more depth and complexity as time goes on. For a kid watching this film it could be a message validating that stage in their lives where playing and engaging in their imaginations are vital for their developing brains and immerse themselves in the wish fulfillment of getting to exact revenge on adults who attempt to take the fun away from them. I still find it hugely satisfying seeing a bunch of kids get the better of adults in the silly ways: tomato torpedoes, egg guns with actual chickens laying ammo, and being as loud and goofy as they want. As for the adults, it can serve as a contemplation – as light or as deep as one wants to go with it – on the ways in which we either forget our own mortality or are far too aware. It seems apt that a story of Peter Pan’s growth is titled after Captain Hook rather than something like “Peter Pan and How to Find Joy Surviving Late-Stage Capitalism While Also Not Being a Terrible Parent.” Though Hook has been an adult much longer than Banning has, they’re now on a more equal playing field as Peter can look his sworn enemy in the face with more life behind him than ahead. As the former’s preoccupation with avoiding the ticking clock makes Hook’s grand-looking life actually quite small and superficial, Pan remembers a different kind of future is possible. Death may be a grand adventure or a completely debilitating thought, but what if we chose to pour that energy into making something of this one life?
Spinning this tale of life, death, and magic is a stellar cast. The wild talent of Robin Williams with that familiar warm and mischievous glint in his eyes was the right choice to crack Peter Banning open and allow his inner child to burst forth from his corporate cage. Dustin Hoffman is magnetic and truly unrecognizable as the titular character. I was shocked at how captivatingly he held my attention now just as he had when I first watched that gilded hooked hand conduct cheers of loyal scallywags nearly three decades ago. He finds the exact blend of camp, narcissistic ineptitude, and levity to Hook that makes him both a commanding presence and joy to behold and eventually, see fall. The partnership between him and Mr. Smee (Bob Hoskins) was surprisingly tender as Hoskins played his character less as a bumbling underling but a caring companion or parental figure who knows Hook better than the captain knows himself. As mentioned before, the women’s roles leave much to be desired. They are are limited to 1. The mother (Moira Banning played by Caroline Goodall), nagging yet effortlessly beautiful so it’s easy to forgive the nagging 2. The matriarch who dedicates her life to caretaking others 3. The good girl and 4. The literal manic pixie who devotes her life to people who reject her and/or cannot love her the way she needs to be loved. The one-dimensionality of the characters and their storylines are unsurprising when considering the context of the period in which it was set, made, and the works it is based on but disappointing nonetheless.
Maggie Smith serving granny in that iconic way that only she knows how at the ripe old age of FIFTY EFFING SEVEN (I just can’t even with Hollywood, y’all). Though missing the acerbic wit her later notorious matriarchal roles she still commands a room. Julia Roberts’s presence and megawatt smile, as well, rarely fail to light up the screen. But their talent feels stunted and underutilized in these roles having to play out some majorly cringe storylines. Granny Wendy just looking on as Peter Pan kisses her sleeping daughter elicit feelings of big ick and every awkward moment of Tinkerbell expressing her love and proclamations of always being there for Peter despite being blatantly rejected in horrifying ways makes me want to wrap an arm around her with an, “Oh honey…” and lead her in a direction far far away from that situation. The kids, Banning’s and the Lost Boys, are loads of fun. Full of sweetness, sass, although a tad too much anti-fatness trash talk. And of course, the world was introduced to Dante Basco and his multi-mohawked warrior skater boi, Rufio. Rufio held so much more real estate in my memory than he actually gets in the film, which is testament to a powerful performance by Basco. Though, I do wish his role was more fleshed out and as prominent as I remember it being. The last thing I’ll point out that I am able to appreciate much more as an adult viewer was catching all the cameos. Phil Collins! David Crosby (RIP)! GLENN CLOSE IN DRAG!? David Crosby getting kicked in the balls?? Pre-Goop Gwyneth Paltrow (not technically a cameo, but I still forgot she was in this movie)! High scores for overall fun and nostalgic value.
Gutless (ICON Glenn Close) in Hook (1991)
I don’t believe that every creative work people produce needs to be a work of high art, whatever that even means. Nor do I know whether it’s even possible to accurately compare one work to another with any kind of objectivity. An enormous part of the creative process and of developing skills is sometimes making work that’s not going to wow you or others. It’s going to play with oft-repeated themes and reuse boring and outdated tropes until another way becomes more clear. It’s a normal and necessary part of the process. So, when thinking about how poorly this film was critically received it reminds me of how warped our concept of what the product and purpose of creativity is meant to be. Currently, many of us are socialized to see it through a lens of profit or perfectionism, but the beauty of creation is in the messiness of the process. Sometimes the completion of one work is to develop more skills, to transition us from one phase to the next, sometimes the real charm and impact doesn’t hit til decades later, if ever. Just because what we make may not be what others want from us each time, it doesn’t mean that it’s not worth doing or putting out there anyway. The real magic is in the making.
Being alive is a trip. There is no beauty, horror, and ass-kicking quite like navigating a lifetime. I don’t have much else to compare that to because, as far as I know, I haven’t not been alive, but one thing that seems apparent to me is that we all get put through our paces at one point or another. We fall on our faces, experience unimaginable traumas, we stagnate, we grow, we repeat cycles, and sometimes we break them. For me, when anxiety begins creeping up my spine or dissociation swoops in to take me out of my body and place me somewhere else, I typically turn to places I know are safe: Bob’s Burgers, Schitt’s Creek, and the show that not enough people seem to know about, Centaurworld. Centaurworld is the story of Horse (Kimiko Glenn), a warrior deep in the trenches of an endless conflict, who magically leaves her world and lands in a bright, musical, bizarro one. Desperate to return home and reunite with her Rider (Jessie Mueller), Horse bonds with a magical ragtag herd of “half-animal, half-man things” and sets off on a journey of self-discovery and home. Created by animator Megan Nicole Dong (also the voice of anxiety-ridden and klepto gerenuktaur, Glendale), the story is about embracing the unexpected and changing in ways previously not thought possible. It could not have entered my life at more prescient time as my own self-concept and sense of my world had just fallen apart.
In May 2021, I was informed I needed to leave my home of three years so the landlord could move back in. Shortly after selling or storing my belongings and driving my self, Gatsby, my cat companion of 15 years, and a couple of suitcases the 6-8 hours from Tucson, AZ, to Los Angeles to stay with my aunt and uncle, my said beloved companion died of stomach cancer. Wound, meet salt. Unlike our hero, Horse, I was not feeling ambitious or focused on a goal of any kind. I felt completely and utterly lost. But similarly to Horse, I was in the beginning stages of finding my herd amidst what felt like insurmountable obstacles, trauma, and grief. Less than a month after the loss of Gatsby and only about two since losing my home, I was sitting in a friend’s living room in Hawaii. Surrounded by my friend’s family and other friend’s visiting from New York, Yahtzee dice and random toys settled on corners of the coffee table and kitchen counters, it was a moment of relaxation and fun that had been difficult for me to cultivate at that time. We all probably had a beer or seltzer in hand, lost in laughs and conversation while on the TV screen, a giraffe with a toned human torso and pear-shaped humanish face appeared, screaming dramatically at a freaked out horse. The horse was also screaming. Through the immense fog of grief and autopilot human-mode, a thought emerged from the depths: “What the fuck am I watching?”
Durpleton (Josh Radnor) and Horse (Kimiko Glenn) meet in ‘Centaurworld’ on Netflix
This, my friends, was Centaurworld. I can’t remember if I finished watching season 1 with my friends or if I decided to watch it on my own (season 2 would not come out until the Fall) but an impression was made. Centaurworld is full of topical absurdist humor, first-class talent from Broadway, Pop, YouTube, and the Film/TV worlds, and a soundtrack that will make you want to embark on an epic adventure in one turn and hold your loved ones and aching heart close the next. “I tried to draw from my own emotional experiences… The whole [story] is based on me going through high school, getting ready to take all these [AP] classes and then ending up in a show choir because the only available extracurricular was show choir… Being from one world, thinking that there was one way to do things, and then ending up in this really musical, silly place and having that really change her [Horse] as a character,” said Dong in an interview with the LA Times about where the concept for Centaurworld originated. The relatability of Horse’s story arc, as well as those of many of the secondary character’s, is what keeps the show anchored enough to allow the this place to come alive in all its saturated, hills and moons with butts, shooting-tiny-versions-of-themselves-from-their-hooves glory.
The first season centers on Horse’s trek across Centaurworld to find the missing pieces of a mysterious artifact, and the shamans who hold them, that will help her return to her world and Rider. Accompanied by Wamawink (Megan Hilty), Durpleton (Josh Radnor, and the aforementioned beefy giraffetaur), Zulius (Parvesh Cheena), Glendale (Dong), and Ched (Chris Diamantopolus), this unlikely herd get mixed up in all sorts of shenanigans all the while helping Horse navigate way outside her comfort zone and discover and embrace previously uncharted aspects of her identity. Face-offs with taurnadoes, standing for trial for falling down a moletaur hole, competing in Johnny Teatime’s cattaur competition, ugly crying, and learning the unfortunate origins of glue are all par for the course when going on a herotaur’s journey. All leading to a more connected herd and Horse who becomes more unrecognizable, yet more herself.
Season two widens the focus to ending the war in Horse’s world by defeating the big bad Nowhere King (if Adventure Time’s The Litch and Hexxus from FernGully had a baby with the voice of Brian Stokes Mitchell) while giving more backstory and arcs for the other members of the herd as they attempt to recruit other centaurs to join the fight. The fun thing about growth is we often learn swiftly about the many areas in which we fall short and the deep discomfort of trying to continue to play roles that just no longer fit. Unless you are fan faves Comfortable Doug (Flula Borg) or Waterbaby (Renée Elise Goldsberry) then you are perfection. No notes. For everyone else, falling short doesn’t always mean eventually being able to rise above and conquer the thing, but is actually in the courage it takes to feel our disappointment and grieve the person we thought we were or would like to be but aren’t. Or it’s our envy of those we love being able to do or have what we may be yearning for in ourselves. Sometimes it’s wondering about where we even fit in the world anymore. It’s frustrating feeling brain mushy where there was once a sense of clarity. Hopefully we are as lucky as Horse is to have the modeling of support and acceptance of her herd as we figure out how to answer those questions for ourselves.
Everyone has got some trauma they are working through or from and rarely is anything what it seems on the surface. Durpleton’s distress over having mean farts, Glendale’s habitual stealing and hoarding everything into her portal tummy, and Ched’s outright disdain for horses and Centaurs™ are silly quirks at first, but aren’t most quirks little glimmers of baggage not yet unpacked? The growth from, in spite of, and the empowerment to make it to the other side of hard times is not exclusive to the hero, but is for everyone. In true musical theater fashion each moment of foreshadowing, deep discovery, and major plot twists is punctuated by song. Big white way power ballads like “Hello Rainbow Road” and “Who is She” propel us into action and huge moments of expansion while the contemplative “What if I Forget Your Face” and fierce “Nothing Good” (sung by the equally fierce legend Lea Salonga) are stark reminders of our greatest and most heartbreaking fears about relationships. But, it’s “Rider’s Lullaby” that we hear within the first five minutes of the series that carries us through it all.
The herd following the Rainbow Road in ‘Centaurworld’ on Netflix
Though it’s the main theme of season one, its refrain of “you’re ok, you’re alright” lays the foundation of what the herd are able to build together. The beauty of a theme like, ‘you’re ok” is not in the upholding of ideals of rugged individualism and the notions that in order to conquer our demons, we must do it alone and be better at being alone. No, it’s about staying connected during the toughest, strangest, most surprising times. Things happening may not be ok, but as long as we’re with those who see how worthy we are of protection, growth, and love we will be ok. It’s a misguided and oft repeated notion that “things will work out.” It takes decisive action, risks, support, and a little bit of magic for life to unfold and fall into place. Whether we coincidentally wind up in a show choir class or have lost a home, the world opens up in unimaginable ways and the company we keep can keep us going. My story has yet to reach a conclusion like Horse’s as I’m sure is the case for many out there in the world right now. Whether your path is a rainbow road or a plane ticket to another continent, the opportunities to uncover ourselves and find our communities are endless.
This past Fall I was hot off of working at NYCC and in the mood to indulge in the impending spooky season by deciding it was time to revisit Supernatural. I had watched the series initially as it was airing, but at some point along the way I fell off – something happened in 2020, can’t remember what – and I never saw how it all wrapped up. Enter a large bottle of red wine and a hankering for some classic rock and monsters and I was off on each new case riding passenger in that iconic 1967 Chevy Impala with Sam and Dean Winchester. It’s a long and windy road, full of lore and monsters, of course, deals with the devil/s, and gripes with God. It repeatedly asks us to define and redefine what it means to be family and how far is too far when it comes to our obligations to them
What I loved most about the show in the Before Times was its ability to not take itself so seriously. For all the horror and anxieties the Winchesters’ face there is levity and straight-up silliness in equal measure. It’s that kind of harmony that seemed to keep viewers tuning in for fifteen seasons. That’s not to say that Supernatural is without its foibles. The blatant misogyny and treatment of women, particularly in early seasons, is cringy in the best of circumstances and the well-documented history of queerbaiting in later seasons leaves much to be desired and disappointed by. And none of that should come as a surprise. Of the 16 executive producers of the show, only two were women. With a majority of the creative team or the team with the money making the decisions being white, cis, (presumably) straight men whose views of the world center around being centered, you can typically kiss nuance goodbye.
Over the 15 years Supernatural was on air, technology and the internet developed at a rapid velocity and conversations around gender, equity, and justice went through dramatic shifts. It was interesting to see how Supernatural, a show with all-American, blue-collar protagonists assembled with stereotypical “masculine” bits and bobs like a shoot first talk later attitude and predilections for vintage cars, brown booze, and babes would navigate waters that put their own identities as saviors into question. Horror as a genre is predicated on facing our greatest fears about who we are as a society and as individuals. Whether it’s the fear of our capacity for profound evil or the realization of how helpless we really are in the face of a ruthless and unruly natural world we have a lot to be afraid about and much to reckon with.
Supernatural never shied away from confronting what happens when one becomes the monster. The brothers Winchester went to Hell and back at such a dizzying rate it was hard at times to keep storylines straight. Excuses for delving into monsterdom typically centered on the brothers’ codependent dynamic, where everything was done for each other but was never what either of them wanted. With all the abandonment, parentification, and exposure to significant trauma from such young ages it makes sense that the idea of letting someone you love make decisions for themselves and then respecting them even if you don’t agree would be terrifying. If facing homicidal ghosts, demons, and any number of creatures that go bump in the night wasn’t frightening enough, the possibility of having to face them alone can be even more so.
Jared Padalecki as Sam and Jensen Ackles as Dean in ‘Supernatural’ formerly on The CW
What is further compelling about the show is that it doesn’t always fall into the rugged, lone wolf trope that it easily could have. Though positioned as the heroes of the series, Sam and Dean Winchester are rarely without and people (human and supernatural alike) who become chosen family. Like the monsters they set out to hunt, they are also people living on the margins of society. Sometimes it’s hard to reconcile whether they are on the margins by choice as vigilantes with their privileges and abilities to “pass” helping them hop in and out of the human world as they deem appropriate or if they are in denial by the privileges they have so they can prolong any acceptance of what makes them the same or similar to those they claim to be protecting the world from.
Monsters and supernatural beings are never just that in this genre. Historically, they are coded as the pariahs and scapegoats of society: Jews, women, queer people. Those that are deemed by “civilized” Christian society to have been born with a darkness inside, that are clearly the cause of all the world’s problems and must be destroyed. Much of the representations of these monsters we see and read about in modern media stem from these medieval Christian prejudices and justifications for continued acts of violence toward the marginalized members of their societies. In Supernatural we see Sam and Dean struggle with this time and time again. Though not explicitly Christian in nature, there are many references to stories and figures from Judaism including, my personal favorite, the scribing archangel with chutzpah larger than their human vessel Metatron, the heavy focus on the battle between heaven and hell and what it takes to get into either is straight up New Testament.
Other aspects of strict Christian dogma are the “traditional” ideas of who people are allowed to love and how as well as the rigid expectations of the roles of men and women. Though beginning to change now, that worldview has and still is dominant in the stories that are put forth for audiences to consume. Supernatural falls in line in many ways, but also breaks a significant mold. I can’t recall many shows, if any, that showed young men having relationships that included affection, vulnerability, and desire and willingness to try and set things right with each other, even if imperfectly. Sam and Dean heart-to-hearts, typically taking place in the aforementioned Impala, are a common occurrence episode to episode. When something is on their mind or they are in disagreement they don’t succumb to patriarchy-approved “male” behaviors like, beating the shit out of each other or challenging each other to some sportsing thing. They talk it out (or sometimes in Dean’s case, gruffly yells). Their attempts at communicating, of wanting to be heard and get the other to open up is a stark contrast to the societal messaging that the only emotion acceptable for men to express, regardless of everyone who ends up paying for it, is anger and if anything else arises it must be immediately shut down.
Misha Collins as Castiel, Jensen Ackles as Dean, and Jared Padalecki as Sam in ‘Supernatural.’ Photo Credit Diyah Pera/The CW
To see men engage in and explore more of their emotional worlds with each other and develop intimacy based on mutual respect rooted in partnership rather than the more normalized form of male bonding over the humiliation and degradation of women, gender expansive and queer folks feels like a breath of fresh air. So much so that in the devastating scene when Castiel tells Dean he loves him mere moments before his end it feels so loaded that it’s almost jarring. Not simply because this scene, in particular, evokes the queer-coded nature of the #Destiel relationship and the accusations against the creators of queerbaiting all the way to the “bury-your-gays” trope, but also because it still feels incredibly rare to see men look at each other and express a deep and heartfelt “I love you.” And I wish that was more normalized.
As a culture we’re in the uncomfortable and frightening moment of reactionary backlash toward conversations we’ve been having about gender, Me Too, CRT, and basic human rights. It’s to be expected that the more inclusive and free from norms and binaries people inherently realize they are, the more threatened people who have not gotten there yet or who benefit from keeping people in particular positions will be. And those struggles are quite apparent in Supernatural as creators tried with some success and definitely big failures to navigate a fan base more in touch with their identities who could bring more insight into characters and their relationship dynamics than the creators possibly anticipated. The struggle to be a person, or supernatural being, or god-like entity is real. For all its missteps, oversights, and messy plot lines, in the end Supernatural is a story about the consequences of our actions, the obstacles we’re able to overcome when we make sure to have a little fun and don’t take ourselves too seriously, and the wild ride life becomes when we find those people we want to go to Hell and back with. Carry on.
